January 3rd, 2015

Walker in pink

Done and Done

Finished! Story complete at 55K words (WHAT THE HELL!) so now it's time to edit and proof and LET GO. Wahhh! I swear it's like giving up a kid or something! I just don't want to leave these babies! But I have to believe they'll be fine, all will be well, etc. because it's all I can do. I have to be a responsible adult and move on to the next project. I HAVE TO!

This story has such a deep, emotional effect on me, I can't possibly explain it. I read FANGASM and Fandom at the Crossroads and it doesn't quite explore how deeply the individual person is effected by this story -- for me, it's as much a PERSONAL journey as a desire for community that hooks me so deeply. I've spent a year on my own, mostly, with this fandom -- writing, writing, writing -- because I feel I HAVE TO EXPRESS what the Winchesters' story makes me feel, whether anyone reads what I write or not.

But of course I'm human, and so I'm a social animal, and the need to connect -- to make my story matter and count for something -- brings me to communities like this one and the wonderful people I'm meeting through LJ and tumblr (how sad is it that I have NO ONE in my personal life who understands how important this story is?) and so in the end Lyn and Katherine are right, of course.

So here I am, finishing my first SPN challenge, joining this amazing fandom despite my innate shyness and introverted nature. So grateful, so humbled, so ridiculously excited!